Consciously Being Present

Awareness has no content. When I am aware rather than thinking, I am alert, witnessing, present, engaged, responsive, open, alert, relaxed and peaceful. Being present and aware, I don't have an identity and I have no idea of how I will respond or react to the experience of this moment. I don't carry my identity with me when I am present and aware. I have to be thinking to remind myself who I am and remember my history of responses as well as my plans for how I'd like to respond or engage with situations and events. Without the steady flow of reminders that come to my awareness through my thoughts, I am free to react and respond anew, as though for the first time, to events, situations and experiences as they occur. That contrasts with the way I usually engage with life, keeping a running commentary going in my mind that reminds me of past successes, warns me of possible errors or mistakes and offers suggestions as to how I might do it better.

Perhaps this is why this meditative state of awareness, being present and aware without thinking, is often said to be emptiness or a void. I find the experience to be exhilarating and intoxicating, sensing a release of all the pressure I usually feel to live up to my standards, to be a good person, to be responsible, to be kind, to be loving, to be strong, to be acceptable, to be appreciated, to be successful and be holy. These various standards to which I compare myself often conflict with each other in any given situation, making the choice of how I react and behave a matter of compromise and evaluation. Being present and aware without thinking is trusting myself, the whole being that integrates all the different aspects of my being into a spontaneous and sensitive presence, and engaging freely without the intermediary of censorship and judgment, without the hesitation and deliberation I usually use to monitor myself.

In the world in which I grew up and was trained, I was taught that I am a beast by nature. As a result, I learned to control myself and deliberately choose my responses and behaviors to protect myself and others from unbridled instincts and aggression. As it turns out, that is not who I am, so all the restraints and controls I learned are unnecessary.

I'd like to develop this idea better on a future blog, particularly the qualifications of this state of being that I am describing to better differentiate it from the normal waking consciousness that has proven to be untrustworthy.