Dancing In The Light

I am starting a new phase of my life in Port Townsend, today. I have settled into my new home, so I am applying my creative talent to living my life and being happy. I realize that I was programmed with so many different attitudes toward work and play, health and happiness, that I carry conflicting ideas about all of them. I carry the same conflicting ideas about myself and my value.

The truth is that these ideas and attitudes are not mine but the conflicting values of society at large. For example, Catholic Religion claims to value love and good deeds above all else while simultaneously trying to maintain its powerful position in world politics, global affairs and the lives of its members. As long as I rely on some sort of creed or formula in the way I live my life, I am equally subject to the opposite attitude through some other institution or agency that promotes it. If I rely on others to determine the value of my life and who I am, I remain conflicted and confused as my beliefs and loyalties shift day to day.

I am present in this moment as spirit alive in a material world, exploring, learning, playing and expanding. I have learned so much about myself by observing myself in action throughout my life. I noticed this morning, while dancing for my aerobic exercise, that I completely enjoy the dance when I am fully present in the moment, being in my body, moving it around and exploring the possibilities. At other times, my mind wanders and I think about the day and all I hope to accomplish. When I slip into planning mode, or some other thinking state, I am not present in my movements and the dancing feels perfunctory and boring. I basically watch the clock waiting for the time to elapse so I can go onto other things. That is not the way I like to live.

I want to experience each moment today being fully present in the moment. I am present now, so I'd like to continue living consciously and enjoying what I do just like I enjoyed dancing when I was present doing it. I don't have to wait until the end of the day to enjoy myself. The truth is that I enjoy engaging with all these wonderful activities, having the opportunity to contribute creatively while fully engaged. The key is being conscious and awake at all times so I can presence myself and be present in what I'm doing. I don't want to slip into old patterns of behavior or go through the motions of doing the projects unconsciously while I think of something else. I want to be fully present in what I do. I want to be happy and fulfilled in all that I am and do.