The Sunlight Of Awareness

It snowed yesterday. The weather was spring like while it snowed, the temperature was in the 40's and the moisture falling from the sky could just as well been rain. Snow remains on the ground this morning, just the lightest covering sprinkled on the trees and grasses outside, while the ground, sidewalks and pavement remain uncovered. The ground must be too warm for the snow so it only remains on the grasses and trees where it's insulated from the ground heat.

My life is like this snow that doesn't quite cover the ground. It has taken me all my life, but I know who I am and what I want, now. My process of self-discovery, and individuation, is like the slow warming of the days as spring progresses. Each day during spring the sun climbs higher in the sky, shining its light a little bit longer and warming the earth just a little bit more. The earth warms as its bathed in sunlight for bit longer each day, especially since the sun gets closer and its light carries more energy. The snow couldn't cool the accumulated heat stored in the earth already this spring, so it yielded and melted wherever it touched the ground or pavement. Winter weather stretched far south to reach Santa Fe but the sunny days that preceded it left more warmth than it could overcome.

Similarly, I am more aware of being myself and being present each day, just like sunlight occupying a greater part of my consciousness. When blasts of negativity arise in me and other wintry self-doubt tries to cover my awareness with feelings of futility and worry, the cumulative effect of these days of awareness and fullness melts those icy fingers as they touch me. My heart has thawed during many months and years of spring-like warmth that I experience when I am authentic and aware of being present with life. So the self-doubt doesn't overwhelm me any longer.

I feel as though anything is possible now. Even when it's snowing outside, I know the sun is just hiding behind the clouds, waiting to shine its light and share its warmth with everything and everyone. The storm is as temporary and necessary as the days of increasing sunlight. I believe that the real change in my experience of life is the realization that everything I experience on earth is temporary. My home is temporary, raising children is temporary, my career is temporary, my life is temporary and even moving to a new place is a temporary experience. Whatever snow falls in this moment, I know, will melt away. My life will continue to change a little each day, but my being remains the same, aware and present.

The experiences melt away as the sunlight of awareness shines brighter each day.